Adultery? Before you sign up…

by beccar

Curated by Rebecca J. Rose, Website Curator

When a marriage hits the rocks, one of the easiest temptations is to look for what you are missing, and find yourself in an affair with a person other than your spouse.

Many times it is physical attraction. Other times it is emotional. Relationships with people outside your marriage or long term relationship are often more appealing than staying faithful to spouses and partners. Affairs are new, exciting and a reminder that we are still vital and desired people. These are compelling reasons why so many people find themselves having an affair.

If you are considering an affair, relationships are about to become difficult for you. Whether that relationship be your long-term one or for that matter, the affair you’re embarking on, you might think that your long-term relationship is bad now?  Just wait until your partner/spouse discovers you’ve been cheating on them. It’s painful for both of you. It’s not a win/lose, or a win/win. Both sides lose out.

Your spouse will feel betrayed, angry and devastated. Yes, the affair will devastate your marriage. It will hurt YOU as well.  Instead of turning to someone outside your relationship, remember the promises you made. No marriage or relationship is without problems. The trick is to work at remaining focused and committed when these problems hit. So turn to your spouse or your partner instead of some seemingly appealing outsider.

Explain clearly to your spouse how you feel. Just because you are feeling this way about your relationship/marriage, it doesn’t mean it’s the same for your spouse/partner. They may very well have no idea you feel the relationship is in trouble!  The only way you will know for sure is if you talk to them.

It is crucial that you both take the time to listen to each other. Avoid judging and criticizing each other, because this will not make either of you feel you can be open and honest about your feelings. If your spouse feels they are going to be mocked or criticized, then they will clam up. Equally, so will you.

If you have already embarked upon an affair, then you need to weigh up what you want. Can you fight for your spouse, for you?  You will only know this if you explore with honesty and sincerity how you feel. That also takes time, determination, and professional help, but it is worth it.

Affair and relationships both take time and effort and opting for an affair is not necessarily the easiest option you could take. Whatever you’re doing, and whoever you’re doing it with, there at least three sets of feelings involved. Your lover might be casual about what they’re doing in the beginning, but attachments are easily and quickly formed and before you know it, your lover could be putting all kinds of demands around what they want from you.

Think long and hard about the problems in your marriage/relationship. Is your relationship worth fighting for? If it is then you must do everything you can to avoid an affair! Relationships can be greatly rewarding and an affair can be deeply devastating. There is help here for your vows. Contact us for some time to talk and explore your options in a casual setting.

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